Colin Halyk's Music Bulletin Board

[ColinH]

Moon Leaves Earth Orbit.

I've been so lucky, to have 2 best friends to stumble through this life with for so long; both my
(eventual) bandmates, Mark and Malcolm.

Malcolm is gone now, and Mark and I seem to just kind of be able to blink at each other like the other 2
confused wheels on a tricycle where one just fell off. From the bottom of some ditch, from the feel of it.
And I think we're upside down...

What's happened to him and what led up to his death on Tuesday afternoon are not at all clear things
to most of us at present, and still being investigated as we speak. It's not my purpose today to get into
that here. Hopefully, some things will clarify as time goes on. For now, what is known is hard enough
to absorb without punching it up with copy of my own imaginings.

Malcolm and I were friends for 20 years. I founded our friendship by storming out of a room in
embarassment at having foolishly gone into an arguement about the Rock group The Police without
much more than generalizations I couldn't back up. That was when I learned you don't argue with MX
without chapter and verse to support yourself! Few people I've ever met relished an arguement as
much as MX while also having his level of respect for other opinions decently supported, as opposed
to a drive to convert you to his way of thinking before the conversation was done. He just loved to
take sides and explore ideas from different angles that way, however passionately held his own
opinions were to him. In many ways, our entire two decade friendship was one long, intense and
frequently interrupted conversation.

It was one of the major luxuries of my life not to just survive that first arguement, but to get to make
actual music with Malcolm whenever possible for many of those years, starting with an astonishing
weekend in Oct '87 during which, never having worked with me or heard demos, Malcolm tracked drums for 16
songs of mine on a tape I was working on, 'Colliding'. It was only the 3rd or 4th time we'd even met, but
it was a bonding experience we'd still use as a touchstone now. He worked on bits and bobs with me
from then on, but it wasn't until '99 that we finally formed a proper band, with Mark Kuntsi. Another
1000 Miles has been the happiest music making experience of my life, and we were so lucky to have
such an original and brilliant drummer in the band, who was so willing to serve the songs themselves.
He was capable of playing any music under the sun, and while I know his own listening tastes
favoured alot of things very different from what we played and there were whole other musical fields he
wished to visit as well, he was always incredibly gracious with his time, energy and ideas within the
band, and I was thrilled to have the chance to do the work we have with him.

Of course, playing in a1000m was something Malcolm squeezed in to his incredibly busy life as a
working actor, and it is the enthusiasm, depth, and empathy he brought to his primary role, that of his
very life, that make people i know now who met him once or twice seem as stunned with his passing as
those of us who knew him for ages. Malcolm was so much larger than life, it seemed he ought to be
larger than death, as well. We met in Toronto a week before all this went down, and after doing his
eat-2-complete-meals-back to back wonder, when I got up to take the transit back to where I'd parked
my van and paid so much I was disinclined to move it, he rode the subway and streetcar and then
walked me back to my van and out of the lot before I carried on wherever I was going next. My last
picture of him is in my rearview mirror, waving. He was with people all the way, and always behind
them. He did not have, or choose to erect, the normal shields and walls alot of us have in place as the
norm, and thus, seemed to experience life SO intensly all the time, and use his powerful skills of
expression to convey what he saw to his friends. It's certainly true he DID have alot of walls between
the many different parts of his life, and I learned early, as we all know by now, that while Malcolm
might freely answer any question you asked him, he didn't volunteer much, and you had to know what
to ask AND ask it to get him to talk about himself, as opposed to genre fiction, music, comics, or TV.

I think, at the end of the day, it's as a fan of our numerous shared enthusiams that I will recall Malcolm
best and most, be it talking about some obscure album by somebody, or a Spider Robinson book, or
some old lyic of mine he'd cited in an arguement, or talking Trek all night. Malcolm was the ultimate
genre enthusiast, and he had an encyclopaediac knowledge of music, SF shows and books and comics
of all sorts. It mattered little to him if a show had shaky production values or whatever shortcomings, if
the stories and spirit were there. A Shakespearean actor trained to convey the vasty fields of France
on an often largely bare stage had no trouble seeing past such things in his mind to get on with the
tale, an important lesson he taught me young. Enthusiasm, projection, clear intent... and a good tale to
tell. these were the things that mattered.

MX and I both had a soft spot for Space 1999, and often joked about whether the moon was still
around or not each day Sept 13th came around, because they used to cite that date for it leaving earth
orbit due to a nuclear waste dump explosion in a flashing credit before this show we both grew up with.
It's a dumb joke I kept thinking was funny well after 1999 passed, and I'd always make reference to it
each year if I happened to be chatting with him. At the moment, it feels like the departure of the moon
would be a less disasterous change in the cosmology of my life than the loss of this man whom I loved,
who treated me as a brother, and who was just so important in my life at large for so long. It's like even
the tide has stopped. It's like the moon's not there. It's like the rulebooks of gravity need to be
rewritten. Planet earth IS blue, man.

I will keep people posted as details form about memorials and such.


be well all,
love
Colin

[ColinH]

PS, I've posted this here instead of Headline News because this is where folks visit most, and a forum where replies can be made.
_________________
Colin Halyk
website here

[MirKiVa]

Thank you Colin, for sharing your friendship with and feelings for Malcolm with us... I wish you (and Mark and my sis) all the strength you need in this coming, very difficult time. I am sure though that somewhere up there MX will keep on eye on you...

I have no words to express how sad I am about the passing of this fascinating man whom I've only met once but had hoped to meet again next year. During the past years I have very much enjoyed his posts and emails even though I sometimes had troubles understanding what he was talking about. A foreign language and total lack of knowledge about anything to do with SF on my behalf, caused that.
Like somebody on MX's forum said, I will remember him as a gentlemen...
MX...we'll meet again..

love,
Miriam

[redlady8]

Upon receiving the email re: Malcolm's passing, I am still in shock. It is not a good way to start your Monday or week. I've known Malcolm for maybe 3 years? and seen him off and on at various gatherings in Toronto. Each time, Malcolm and I spoke, I was always amazed an his deep intellect, humour and a passion for life.

Our conversations would always turn to Shakespeare and upon discovering I was a big fan of "O'le Willy" Malcolm would quizz me on the sonnets but most of all, he would recite my favorites. I remembered that I could sit and stare at him for hours if I could just listen to that deep, sexy voice of his. He was a gorgeous man in so many ways! And I will miss him!

So, go into the dark night, dearest Malcolm and walk the starry path, where your star, Oh Malcolm, shall shine the brightest and longest.

In honor of Malcolm, this is my favorite sonnet by Shakespeare, because to me it means that we should not mourn for Malcolm too long but simply keep remembering him for all his goodness for all of our lives.

Sonnet 71

No longer mourn for me when I am dead
Then you shall hear the surly sullen bell
Give warning to the world that I am fled
From this vile world, with vilest worms to dwell:
Nay, if you read this line, remember not
The hand that writ it; for I love you so
That I in your sweet thoughts would be forgot
If thinking on me then should make you woe.
O, if, I say, you look upon this verse
When I perhaps compounded am with clay,
Do not so much as my poor name rehearse.
But let your love even with my life decay,
Lest the wise world should look into your moan
And mock you with me after I am gone.


Much love, condolences and deepest sympathy,

Diane from the USA (Michigan)

[Guest]

I'm sure there will be many fond remberances of Malcolm. (I am still in disbelief writing that sentence)..here is mine...

Being seven years younger than my brother Colin, I was always very thrilled when I was invited to gatherings and parties he held. As a restless explorative teenager I looked forward to meeting older interesting people who challenged my emerging small town views. Malcolm was definitely one of these people and that's where I first remember meeting him.

I never argued with Malcolm! I was scared to. Not because he was intimidating. Mostly because I was a very shy teenager and it was obvious he had the most amazing knowledge of everything interesting. It was much lovelier just to listen.

I also have great memories of Malcolm from my time as a part time a1000m groupie (before motherhood!). I really enjoyed watching Malcolm perform and chat with him as well.

Malcolm was one of the most talented, intriguing, exuberant, intelligent, non-judmental, receptive and full of life persons I've ever met. As others have mentioned he was a gentlemen and loyal friend. It is so sad for someone like that to be gone, when the Earth is in such obvious need of them.

Malcolm was a sweetheart. I will miss him. I am so sorry and offer my condolenses to everyone who misses him as well.

love,

Nicole (Colin's sister)

[rredv]

He is the one that brought me and Colin together. I owe a lot to him.

I will miss him.
_________________
R.

LFFF #16
Fluffer #004 - Observant Fluffy
It's All Good!!!!
C'mon it's charity.

[Colin's Mom]

I used to see Malcolm when another1000 miles played and he was always so interesting to talk to. He truly was one of a kind and his views on things certainly opened up your mind. He was a terrific drummer and his solo on the last CD is fantastic as always.

I'll remember those times when I think of Malcolm.

Sandie

[ColinH]

XIII

GOOD NIGHT; and then again
good night, goodbye; for when we pass
a certain distance from the doors of men
we become less than men and when (alas)
our hearts have known
a single irremediable moment
when they wash in their own
distress and spend without comment
their last pulse nearly
on an effort so very brave
it seems our lung re-feeds its appetite ­
at that point, when we slip into the grave,
voices from other homes say softly, clearly
Good night again; and then again
Good night.

R.C. Casto, from A Strange and Fitful Land

[Teay]

Colin, your words and remembrances of Malcolm truly moved me. Thank you so much for sharing them.

Malcolm is still playing his music, but on a channel we are not capable of hearing...yet.

With love,
Terri
_________________
Carpe Diem

Teay
LFFF #81

[Spider01]

I have many fond memories of Malcolm. Many blend together, but some stick out.

I never met Malcolm in person. I do regret this, but from all acounts the man I met through the internet was the man in real life. The personality that he gave though his posts and chats was Malcolm.

The first time I was aware of him was when he came to the WDSection to post. that was some time back around 2000 give or take. At that time I had no idea of who he was. I found out that he was an actor from LFN. I was amazed that one of the Actors would come to a board and post. At the moment I was star struck. Of course I played it smooth. LOL

Then after posts with Malcolm I found that he was a real person. I know that sounds funny, but he did not come off as having any agendas to be at the site. He thoroughly enjoyed "chatting it up" with us. He was one of us. I could easily tell that he carried himself very properly, but he could get down and dirty when need be. He was well versed in so many topics that I don't think I could ever stump him (or as Colin would put it...win an argument). I think I may have come close once in stumping him, but I doubt it.
He always seem very respectful of others.
I remember one night when I was MSNing with Rianne and Malcolm took over her computer and he and I chatted for a good period of time. We were all over the spectrum from music, TV, history, etc. We had a good discussion about the differences of accents withing Great Britain and Australia. I don't remember all of the details, but I remember how wonderful it was to chat with him.
I was always excited to see a "HERR SPINNE" from him.

I remember him being excited that some clips of acting jobs he had done had been posted on the web. He pointed out the location and I ran to it so I could see him in action (beyond what I had seen him do in LFN). It was so cool to see him in those various roles. He was good.

I remember when he was filming Resident Evil: Apocolypse....

(Side note...I would put the Copyright or Trade Mark signs here the way Malcolm always did, but I don't know how. He always gave credit to those that deserved it)

I had been discussing with him before that, that I was really into the Band Evanescence. He agreed with me that Amy from the band had wonderful eyes and that he would look into getting their CD. While Malcolm was filming, the band was on tour in Europe. Ben (one of the founding members of the band with Amy) left the Band while on tour and had disapeared.
I was chatting this with Malcolm and he told me that he had seen Ben on the set of RE:A. He tried to look into Ben's appearance on the set for me. Malcolm told me that he got Ben's Autograph when he met him on the set and he seemed excited about that.

I have many many memories of Malcolm. Many as I said have blended together.
Reading posts of him chatting with others. I enjoyed just being in the same post as him the way others would have enjoyed just being in the same room as him.

I was so looking forward to seeing one of his projects he was on making it to the US so I could watch him in action since that would have probably been the only way I could get to "meeting him."

I didn't know him in R/L so I can't say that "this" is the man he was or "this" isn't the man he was for certainty. I only met the man that came on the boards, but I think the man that was on the boards was the man in R/L. To me he was a wonderful man. He was a good man. He was a respecful and respectable man. To me it seemed that he was the type of man that if you were his friend, if you were a friend of a friend of his, if you had bonded with him, that he would go to the ends of the earth and back for you or your cause and not bat an eye about it.

I do miss him.
And to know how much I miss him tells me how much MORE Colin, Mark, Rianne and the rest who met, who knew Malcolm must be hurting.



To all of you....my deepest sympathies.
_________________
Spider/Spinnetje
Evanescence
http://www.livejournal.com/users/spiderbaggins/

[Spider01]

For you Malcolm...


Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
_________________
Spider/Spinnetje
Evanescence
http://www.livejournal.com/users/spiderbaggins/

[spike]

I had to drive downtown Friday to deliver a ton o' werewolf movie stuff (it's a long story), and found myself being drawn to Port Credit on the way back, telling myself I wanted to see where the church where his memorial was to be.

I saw the church, but I also wound up in the park by the marina where he shot himself and where they had to fish him out of the water.

I had been pondering for the last week something Colin had said to me. Malcolm was apparently extremely phobic about water (something I had no idea about, but that's classic Malcolm), and he couldn't understand how or why Malcolm would find himself there. Colin had tried to get him to the beach once, which he had refused. He had that strong a phobia.

When I stood at the end of the pier by the river looking out at the lake, likely where he ended his life, I think I began to understand what happened here in this spot (I don't think any of us will fully understand why he shot that woman in the first place a day earlier).

I had initally tried rockclimbing because, well, I'm not real comfortable with heights. I'm still not especially comfortable with heights, but I have my own climbing gear, and get out to the cliff when I can (which isn't often enough, and not at all this year).

There was something I read from some author about the nature of fear of heights. She said that fear of heights had far less to do with the fear of falling and far more with the fear of being unable to resist the urge and pull to fling oneself out into the void. And it's true, I feel that irrational pull every time I'm on the cliff edge, even with my climbing harness on.

When I stood on that spot on the pier I realized that the lake and the water filled my field of vision *completely* and unquestionably. A chaotic void. I looked over my shoulder, and I can see the world; trees, people, buildings. Eyes front again only brought the water.

I think Malcolm may have been drawn to a place like this as the edge of his world, at the edge of the map, with no-where else to go. Where there be monsters. And I think he gave into that urge, that pull, and stepped into the void.


A postscript: I was beginning to suspect I was talking completely out of my ass until I posted this (in edited form) on my LJ. A friend that never knew Malcolm but is extremely phobic about water said, "I get that... it makes sense to me." We may never know...

[MirKiVa]

Thank you Adam...for sharing this experience, these thoughts.
It somehow makes sence to me too....

Miriam

[ColinH]

Yesterday, we went to Malcolm's memorial service.
Initially, I thought they were having a memorial instead of a funeral because Malcolm was being sent to England for burial, but it turns out that the body has not been released yet. One of the (excellent) eulogizers said it was typical of Malcolm to literally be late for his own funeral, which is true. If I'd have called him about it 2 days before, he'd have likely asked me if I couldn't ask him 'closer to the actual date'.

The service, I thought, struck just the right tone and balance, thanks to the very different nature of the 5 different people who spoke of Malcolm in the eulogy portion, and the amazing job that the minister did at tying it all together. There was laughing, there was some swearing, there was some shouting... poetry, music, ... no 'acting', per se, but moments of appropriate theatricality. It was unlike any memorial service I'd seen or will see again, and that's what it needed to be, to try to stand for Malcolm. There was even a thunderously loud arrival of the recording of Malcolm playing a drum solo from the band's last disc that I brought in response for the call for musical offerings after the eulogy, since, as usual, even in recorded form, there was no time for a sound check for a1000m! Malcolm's only objection would have been that I did then turn it down to livable volumes for the reminder of the piece after shouting '...sorry!' from my perch behind the pulpit where the player was wired in. Another good friend of MX's, Richard, the fellow who introduced me to MX years ago, brought the rest of the musical selections; a nice piece by U.K., the theme from The Prisoner, and a hymn by a Welsh male voice choir, all very apt.

It was good to meet and put faces to the fellows who'd composed so many of the lines of type informing all of us of this whole awful situation in the first place as they were at ground zero of it. Spike from here I'd met once before, but it was good to look up at him again (he's incredibly tall). Gary was particualrly great to meet as he's such a friendly and approachable person, and smashed all my prejudices as to what I imagined a film producer might be like...and rest assured all, he is a true friend of MX, not just his producer. He and Malcolm's agent Warren are working very hard to try to settle Malcolm's estate, though all of that is still very much in flux. People here have asked me if there is someplace to make donations in MX's memory... something may be set up soon, but at the present, there isn't info to pass on. Richard and other friends of Malcolm's are the ones sorting through what he has left behind, a very difficult task, but one which will help find things needed, and isolate the many collectables and things MX had which can now help provide resources to look after his funeral and be sent to help his family in England, so that job is in the best hands possible.

After the service, I emerged blinking into the sunlight of a surreally beautiful day, which seemed so right and so wrong, staring up at the empty blue sky or the gorgeous and extremely bountiful apple tree in the church yard and thinking, 'NOW what?' Malcolm was always an impossible act to follow. After a good while talking with other folk I hadn't seen for many years in the church courtyard, it occured to me that the church was only a block or two from the pier at the mouth of the Credit River where Malcolm was found... so Rianne and I walked down there, and I tossed a shiny loonie for the ferryman off the end of the pier, described so perfectly by Spike above that I need not chase after his prose here. It is actually a very beautiful spot, in it's way. I scaled down the rocks and gabion baskets to collect a little of the water for the pagan version of his going away ceremonies, and moved on to share a drink at a location thoughtfully and neccessarily provided by another friend of his I'd never met.

Just as Malcolm seems to have created many different locuses of a life, each of which he made to feel the centre of his attention when visiting, so these many ceremonies and rememberances, formal and informal, are reqired to even begin to add up to the sort of apt send off for man for whom one option could never suffice. Alot of folks have expressed great regret to me they couldn't be at this or that... but all the energy and affection and every other emotion evoked all goes into the same pot, no matter where addressed from, I believe. Remember as you must from where you will, and it will get there.

love,
Colin

[MirKiVa]

Colin...thank you for sharing. Since I am one of the people living far away, thinking of Malcolm and all of you, I really appreciate you keeping me posted about everything going on.
Take care.

love,
Miriam